I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
