Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
