I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
