I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she smelled like a LAN party
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Pooping to opera.
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