I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Who died my cat blue again?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
