i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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