im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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