The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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