Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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