Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
