Cold hands, warm shart.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
