The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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