im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
50% drunk capacity currently
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
