I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
