So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
