I can tuck mytits in my pants
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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