Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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