my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
