After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
