And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
