It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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