There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
