u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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