I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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