he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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