He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You can't motorboat a personality
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
