You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize