Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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