i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
