3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
