i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
