Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
