I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
