In America we eat man semen.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
