Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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