my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
