Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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