I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she pinky promised me she was 18
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
