Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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