Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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