Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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