if only i could text you this smell
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
