So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
