i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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