Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
