Moan for me like Helen Keller
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
