so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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