he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
