i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
