It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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