when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
