the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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