You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
