Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
