I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
