I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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