Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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