I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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