i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
