she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
