He kissed a someone with a penis
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
