He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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