you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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