didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
