Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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