At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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