omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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