he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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