who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
do herpes really smell.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
