dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
