I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
