in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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