my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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