I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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