he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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