My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
