just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
