I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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