i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
