so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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