i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
