Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
