Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She swung at the pinata with crutches
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10