Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I FOUND THE LEGS
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead