So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
