We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.