just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
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I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.