All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
