the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
