oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
